Choke-hold!

When I was 10 my dad incited a fight and then watched me be put into a choke-hold by a bully and left me to defend myself.

Gotta love my dad and his ways of teaching survival skills. Forget the scouts lessons on how to make a fire out of rocks and sticks. Those tools didn't help in the projects where I grew up.

This is what happened! One summer day while waiting in line at the ice cream truck, a boy on his bike hit me with the front tire and pushed me out of the way to cut in line. I was a frail child weighing a possible 49 pounds soak and wet. Soon as it happened I turned to find my dad for help. I go over to my dad and tell him that a boy hit me, pointing at the kid as I tattled. My dad walked back with me to the ice cream truck and called out to the kid. "You hit my daughter?" he asked in his strong boricua accent. I stood there with a 'that's right m*f and a grin on my face', waiting for the aftermath of what was about to happen. My dad was no joke! Then I hear my dad say to the boy, "You want to fight my daughter? Get off your bike and take your best shot! Go ahead! Fair fight!" Then he grabs me by my long spaghetti arms and proceeds to coach me on how to defend myself for this fight I never signed up for. He then puts me in a fight stance and tells me to make sure I cover my face. Suddenly this bully boy excited for the challenge gets off his bike and puts his fists up towards me. I'm shaking in my boots - well, in my non-brand skippy shoes to be exact. A crowd of kids, my dad and his friends all surrounded us. My dad looked excited as if he was watching a dog fight or something?! To make a long story short. I heard my dad shout "DALE!" which means swing in English. So I proceed to extend my right spaghetti arm over my shoulder towards the kid in slow motion with an open palm, like if I'm about to shoo a fly away. Next thing I know, I'm in a headlock and this kid is swinging me around in circles like a helicopter. I hear my dad shouting "Patty! Uppercut. UPPERCUT!" I knew what an uppercut was so I started to uppercut, missing every swing. Then I hear "Hit the body Patty! The BODYYYY!" LIKE SERIOUSLY DAD! WTF!! S.O.S. Somebody please help me! Finally, before I literally passed out, my dad broke up the fight and patted the kid on his back! Did my dad just thank the kid for whooping my behind? I was devastated and angry! I ran off in tears to tell my mom.

Back in the house, my dad explained that I had to be tough and couldn't let others make me feel afraid. He told me I could have taken the kid out if my first hit was strategically aimed correctly. Then we sparred in the kitchen for the next half hour. He showed me how to throw a punch and aim for the nose, chin or the temple. This became his fun thing to do with my sisters and I, and boxing became our family's favorite sport. Then one sudden day my daddy was taken to federal prison and we had to live life without him.

I love my dad. His lessons made me tough. They helped in my next fight, then the one after that, and the one after that one, etc, etc, etc! I won some, I lost some, but I was not afraid to put my fists up. It was the way things were!

The streets were the only world my dad knew and he did what any good dad would have done, which is to teach their children to survive them. He taught me to be strong, be in control, be feared and to be respected. But there was one thing he couldn't teach me. A lesson of much higher value. To survive the poverty mindset! He never taught me to look beyond my walls. That there was a world where I wouldn't need to use my fists and could still win. He didn't teach me to read a book, save money, invest, retire with a million dollars or leave something for my kids. He couldn't teach me how to write a professional resume, become a valuable asset at my job or to start a business. It wasn't his fault! He could not teach me any of this because no one EVER taught it to him! It is the cycle of poverty mindset!!

My legacy is to teach my kids to gain knowledge and fight with their mind, not with their hands. To see beyond their surroundings, to dream big, to reach high and to leave something behind for the next generation. I'm doing it for my dad!

I invite you to continue to follow my journey at coachpattybee.com as I work on my mission to break the cycle of hardship in our communities and to equip families with financial literacy, security and building generational wealth.

No matter where you came from or where you are today, we can break the cycle.... Let's get it!!