Never Let a Man Put Hands on YOU

 

I saw blood gush down my mom's mouth and chin after getting punched by my drunk dad. Remember it like it was yesterday. I was standing outside her bedroom door listening to their argument when she suddenly opened the door holding her hands to her face. She was headed to the bathroom.  My dad followed after her violently and I quickly stood in between them to protect her.  I think I was about 10 or 11 years old but I was ready to fight him with all that I had!

A rage of anger took over me and I decided in my heart to NEVER let a man put hands on me, abuse me or bring me down.  This is where feisty Patty was born.

In every relationship with men that followed I took control immediately.  I set the tone from the beginning that I don't cook, clean nor slave after any man!  You feed yourself and do your own laundry!  I made it clear that I could curse you out when I got angry but don't you dare curse at me or I'd hit you.  I'd buy and wear what I wanted and did what I wanted... and they didn't get to ask questions!  I'd tell them that if they ever put their hands up at me I'd cut them in their sleep!  

The devil loved this about me.  It had been his goal to destroy me so he used my parents mistakes to open doors into my life.  His goal was that feisty Patty would walk around men as if she was taller and better than them believing that they were scum and deserved little to no respect. 

Being feisty was my way of feeling in control and ensuring that I would not get hurt.  What it really was doing was making me an unloving and dysfunctional wife.  

Humans were created to do the work of God and when a person comes together through marriage, that union is a threat to the devils plans because it's now two against one.  So the devil is in the business of using abuse, past hurt, lust and adultery, etc to destroy people and their relationships.

When I got married to my first husband, I took control immediately by setting the tone. It was my way or the highway. Except that my husband was not easy to tame. He came with a rebellious nature and did things to hurt me over and over again no matter the consequence.  When I felt I had lost control, I took revenge in my own hands.  I became verbally abusive, violent, stopped all wifey duties because he didn't deserve it and I even committed adultery as payback!

What a messy, toxic and ungodly marriage that became!?

Reminds me of a story about a woman named Vashti.  I'll tell you the story in my own words....  

So Vashti was married to a King, which made her a Queen through marriage.  (sugar daddy!! yesss!!)  One day they decided to host a party that lasted days.  There was drinking involved and the King had gotten a little tipsy.  He was feeling nice and happy.  He asked for his wife Vashti to come to him wearing her crown because she was beautiful and he wanted to show her off to his boys. (I mean that's something we women like, right?).  But not feisty Vashti!  When she got the message, she was like nah, I don't feel like going.  So the King was so embarrassed. I mean, she was like NOOOO in front of his boys. (I could hear his boys shout OOOOOUUUUUUUU, my boy got dissed).  So anyways, the King asked his boys, what should I do? This woman done disrespected me!  And his boys said, my man, you better set her straight or else our wives will think they can disrespect us like that too.   Next thing you know Vashti was no longer queen (a.k.a. she got hit with divorce papers and no alimony).  He later found a new wife.  Her name was Esther.  Esther was different. She was admired by everyone who saw her. She was fair and beautiful. (Which tells me she was not only beautiful on the outside, but she carried a humble, kind and loving spirit... and she was not feisty, didn't curse and was not violent).  Long story short.  Even though Esther was now the new queen she still had to abide by the king's bossy rules.  One being that she could not come to the King's chamber unless he called for her or she could be put to death.  But the King really loved her more than all the other women.  And one day when she had a family emergency she was willing to risk her life by coming before the King for help.  She first fasted for 3 days (which I believe means that she fasted and prayed for 3 days).  Then she respectfully came before the King and instead of being put to death, he received her with open arms.  He basically was like, yes dear, whatever you want!  As the story tells it, she was given the authority to do as she pleased in regards to those who brought danger to her people.  They got their butts handed to them!  (I'll just let you read the story for yourself in the bible in the book of Esther)

Let's bring the story back to me.  During my first marriage, I was very unhappy because things were not going my way and I was putting up with all the things I once said I'd never put up with.  My spouse still continued hurting and betraying me.  Took me a long time to realize that nothing I did, good or bad, could change someone's behavior.  I could only change myself.

This is when I gave myself to Jesus and He started teaching me how to forgive my past, my parents, my husband and that I had to let go.  My 12 year relationship with my husband ended but God continued to work in me. 

During my transformation, he revealed what it meant to be a submissive wife.

At first I thought submissive meant to become a slave to my husband, doing all the cooking and cleaning, allowing abuse, etc.  But that was a LIE of the devil intended to build walls in women like me. 

Then he revealed the role of the husband, which was to be the head of the household, to love his wife like Christ loves the church, to protect, provide and pray for his family.  No, NOT controlling, abusing or hurting his family like I thought.

The head of the household always deserves a submissive wife. One that prays, is obedient to God, helpful, respectful, humble, kind and encouraging.  

I am still far from perfect but as a submissive wife, I no longer retaliate in sin if my now husband makes a mistake or is unkind.  Instead, there are times when we both have to be reminded of our position and responsibility in the marriage. 

The reality is that being a submissive wife will not protect me from a husband that loses his way and starts to engage in hurtful behavior.  But, being a submissive wife keeps me worthy of love and respect.  And with that, I trust that in every circumstance, God will guide my steps and remove anyone that is no longer equality yolked to me.  And that goes equally the same for my husband.  His plan for our lives is always perfect.   

I've realized that I was being feisty with the wrong person for way too long!  I now set the tone for the enemy everyday that I wake up!  God's way or the highway! 

In the meantime, I'll keep cooking, cleaning and serving my hubby because I love being a submissive wife.

(to the current or future wife, be encouraged and God bless!)